the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
