I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
