You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize