yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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