Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize