okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
