im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
