im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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