My hand turned me down
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
