Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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