Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Text me some of your sweat
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
