We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
