She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
