he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
