someone threw a dead crab at me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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