i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
