you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
