yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
