He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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