Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
