At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize