i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
