Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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