i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
