If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
