Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
