i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
