Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
