i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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