Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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