The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it because I queefed?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
