In the future we'll all be gay
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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