His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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