I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
