I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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