can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Randomize
