I hope mine doesn't look like that
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
not ubering you a puppy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize