is your mom at the bar?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
