Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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