I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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