upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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