Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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