i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
