I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
