grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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