thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
