you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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