i permit you to call me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
