I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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