I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
