That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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