I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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