i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize