I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
