You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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