and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
