I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
