Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
