I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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