i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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