just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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