I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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