you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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