the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
