Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
