Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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